Beyond Skills in my Coaching Journey

It all started when I made the decision to retire early - something that, while difficult, was necessary due to health reasons. Despite stepping away from my structured world of full-time work, I knew I did not want to just “retire” in the conventional sense. I was not ready to simply fill my days with leisure activities or idle pastimes. Instead, I yearned to do something meaningful - something that allowed me to continue contributing and making a positive impact. I wanted to be involved in work that supported others in their personal and professional growth.

Throughout my career, I had always found immense satisfaction in supporting others - whether that meant mentoring junior colleagues, guiding peers through challenging decisions, or simply being someone others could confide in. I was fortunate to have worked with several exceptional leaders - bosses who did not just manage but truly mentored and coached me. Their influence shaped me into the leader I eventually became. The journey was far from perfect; I made many mistakes along the way, especially in my early leadership roles. But every mistake was a lesson. I came to believe that these experiences, both the successes and the setbacks, could be meaningful to share with aspiring leaders. And so, this belief - and a desire to continue serving others - led me to begin my journey to become a coach.

From the outset, my learning experience through this coaching program has been both enriching and humbling. I came in thinking I had a reasonably good grasp of some essential coaching skills - like listening actively or asking thought-provoking questions. But very quickly, I came to realize how much refinement was still needed. Coaching, as I came to understand it more deeply, is not just about having conversations or giving advice. It is a deliberate, mindful practice grounded in presence, curiosity, and empathy.

I also found that along with learning new skills, I had to do something that I had not quite anticipated: unlearn. Unlearning is an underrated challenge. I have always considered myself a quick learner, someone who could adapt and apply new knowledge fairly easily. But this time, the challenge was different. It was not about picking up a new tool or technique. It was about fundamentally shifting my mindset. I had to let go of the impulse to offer solutions, stop anticipating what the coachee might say next, and resist the urge to mentally "prepare" my next question. These habits—so ingrained from years of leadership and management—were no longer serving me in this new “role”.

In the beginning, I frequently caught myself “solutioning.” I wanted to help. I wanted to make things easier for the coachee. But I came to see that this instinct, while well-intentioned, was not true coaching. Instead of empowering the coachee to discover their own insights, I was inadvertently taking that ability away. Over time, through many practice sessions and with feedback from facilitators and peers, I began to shift. I became more deliberate in my self-awareness, more comfortable with silence, and more attuned to what was happening in the moment - not just in the conversation, but within myself. As the saying goes: practice doesn’t make perfect, but it certainly makes you better.

One of the most profound areas of growth for me has been in how I listen. I do not just mean listening to respond, or even listening to understand - but listening with complete presence. Listening without judgment. Listening with the intent to connect, not to control. And this growth has not been limited to my coaching sessions – it is filtered into every area of my life. Whether I am talking to a family member, a friend, or even a casual acquaintance, I now make a more conscious effort to be fully present. This, I have found, changes the nature of the interaction completely.

Another unexpected area of growth has been in cultivating curiosity. Before this journey, I would often take people’s words at face value - especially when it came to personal issues. I respected their privacy, and I did not want to intrude. But what I have come to realize is that curiosity, when expressed with care and empathy, is not intrusive - it is an entry to deeper understanding. I now find myself naturally asking more open-ended questions, seeking to understand not just what is being said, but what is not being said. Close friends have even commented that I seem different - that I show a deeper interest in them than I used to. That feedback warmed my heart because it affirmed the internal changes I had been experiencing.

There was one coaching session in particular that served as a pivotal moment for me. I was working with a peer who was struggling with burnout. She was overwhelmed - juggling work responsibilities with personal obligations, and it was clear she was stretched thin emotionally. As she spoke, I felt the urge within me to offer advice, to tell her what she could do to feel better or manage her time. But in that moment, I paused. I checked in with myself and reminded myself of my role. I let the silence hang, trusted in the coaching process, and simply stayed present with her. That silence - uncomfortable as it initially was - gave her the space to go deeper. What emerged was not just a better understanding of her situation, but also a release of emotional tension she had been holding. That moment taught me the true essence of coaching - not in giving answers, but in creating space for others to find their own.

This experience, and others like it, have taught me the importance of trust - not just in the client, but in the process itself. I have learned to embrace ambiguity, to sit with discomfort, and to resist the temptation to fix things. These are not just coaching skills - they are life skills. They have helped me grow in emotional resilience, in patience, and in humility.

Looking back, the overall transition was not easy. In the early days, it often felt “agonizing” to shift my mindset. I had to consciously remind myself, over and over, to slow down, to listen, to be present. But the support I received from my facilitators, mentors, and fellow learners made all the difference. Over time, what felt difficult began to feel natural. What felt foreign began to feel like second nature.

Ultimately, this journey has been more than a professional development experience - it has been a personal transformation. I have grown not only in skills, but in self-awareness, empathy, and presence. I have become someone who listens more deeply, who asks more meaningfully, and who connects more authentically. And perhaps most importantly, I have learned to trust - in the process, in others, and in myself.